Monday, March, 31st, 2025
I didn't realize the expression having a broken heart was so real. That I would feel an emptiness in my chest. That I would feel like someone physically ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it in a thousand pieces. That I would be on the ground, hurt and trying to mend all the pieces back together. That breathing would be near impossible. That my tears would run down my face, and that there would be no stopping them.
How am I supposed to survive? To keep my heart open, to not close it off forever to protect it? How do I keep being real, authentic, fully myself when all I want is to build a wall and hide my heart forever?
Will I manage to forget the immense pain and one day fall in love again and risk this heartbreak again? Is it true that it's better to have loved and have lost than to have not loved at all? Cause right now I would say the opposite.
I go through the motions, follow my carefully created routine and put a feet in front of the other trying to live with this hole on my chest, with this overwhelming pain.
I know they won't be with me forever but it's so hard to see it now. To have hope that little by little I'll feel better, I'll feel happy and I'll feel whole again. That I'll come through this chapter stronger than ever.
I wish I could know of you miss me as much as I miss you. If you think of me as much as I think of you. If you're as desperate as me to run into each other's. If every song remind you of me like they remind me of you. If you wish you could go back to yestetday just to hold me in your arms one last time again, like I wish to.
Writing helps. Like somehow putting pain into words is easing it. Making my chest feel a little lighter. Maybe a little hopeful as well. Hopeful that this pain will ease. That I'll survive. That I'll be fine again. That I'll be happy again. That one day, all of this will be a distant memory.